"The New Zealand rugby public is actually an educated lot.... and that is why the inquiring minds keep inquiring."
--- Martin Devlin.
--- Martin Devlin.
Radio Sport, Tuesday
8.7.03........................
8.7.03........................
6.12am....
First up, award-winning* host Martin Devlin shares some humour with
his erudite producer Kent Johns, about his (Devlin's) recent
vasectomy. Johns does not seem quite so keen as Devlin to discuss
this. Then Devlin turns his attention to sports. He rages at "State
TV" and its attitude to live sports: "It's contemptuous, it's
arrogant, it's dismissive, it's patronising." This because TV One
chose not to destroy its Monday night ratings by live broadcasting a
friendly basketball match between those basketball powerhouses, New
Zealand and the Czech Republic.
First up, award-winning* host Martin Devlin shares some humour with
his erudite producer Kent Johns, about his (Devlin's) recent
vasectomy. Johns does not seem quite so keen as Devlin to discuss
this. Then Devlin turns his attention to sports. He rages at "State
TV" and its attitude to live sports: "It's contemptuous, it's
arrogant, it's dismissive, it's patronising." This because TV One
chose not to destroy its Monday night ratings by live broadcasting a
friendly basketball match between those basketball powerhouses, New
Zealand and the Czech Republic.
Rant over, Devlin turns to his main theme for the morning: the
"arrogance and incompetence" of New Zealand football bosses. What's
really got his goat is an item that appeared on the previous night's
television news: All Black management and players are calling for
less negativity and less ignorant slagging off of the team. Of
course, this cuts straight to the heart of Martin Devlin, who would be
entirely justified in feeling that it's really nothing more than an
attack on himself.
"arrogance and incompetence" of New Zealand football bosses. What's
really got his goat is an item that appeared on the previous night's
television news: All Black management and players are calling for
less negativity and less ignorant slagging off of the team. Of
course, this cuts straight to the heart of Martin Devlin, who would be
entirely justified in feeling that it's really nothing more than an
attack on himself.
Devlin launches into a tirade, which will continue for the next three
hours, against this "pleading P.R. piece". He avers: "Not everyone's
a dupe. Not everyone's a blind loyalist.... I just don't think people
are prepared to be DUPED again like we were over Team New Zealand."
(Remember that Devlin, like his mentor Murray Deaker, was a member of
the discredited Blackheart campaign, repeatedly pouring scorn on the
Swiss team for reporting threats against their families to the police.
)
hours, against this "pleading P.R. piece". He avers: "Not everyone's
a dupe. Not everyone's a blind loyalist.... I just don't think people
are prepared to be DUPED again like we were over Team New Zealand."
(Remember that Devlin, like his mentor Murray Deaker, was a member of
the discredited Blackheart campaign, repeatedly pouring scorn on the
Swiss team for reporting threats against their families to the police.
)
7:10 a.m. Interviews Sean Fitzpatrick who, unlike most All Blacks,
has not boycotted Devlin for his ignorant vilification of the team in
1999.
has not boycotted Devlin for his ignorant vilification of the team in
1999.
7.30 a.m. ADVERTISEMENT. Devlin shills for Giltrap Subaru: "You
know me, I'm an ethical sort of guy..."
know me, I'm an ethical sort of guy..."
7:45 a.m. The Keith Quinn comment. As usual, nothing of interest in
this dreary three minutes of blather.
this dreary three minutes of blather.
8:10 a.m. Devlin's "friend" - they went to Victoria University
together - John ("Newsman") Campbell comes on for his weekly (unpaid)
spot. After joking with Devlin about Devlin's vasectomy, Campbell
goes into a lengthy, sorrowful discourse, speaking extra slowly** in
his fruity basso profundo, about the "unkind" way that Mitchell treats
his players. "You know, I've been thinking about this a LOT," he
announces, "and, and, and what most upsets me is.... what we want
from our All Blacks is n-n-n-n-n-n-not that they play great, or, or,
or, or, or*** that they win, but that they KI-I-I-I-IND OF provide
some LEADERSHIP within the community. I just think it is BEHOLDEN on
the All Black coach to drop his players with a degree of COMPASSION
that the NZRFU are constantly demanding from - from YOU, for example,
Martin, you know-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w. If ya HAVE to drop players - and
it's GOING to be inevitable - then for heaven's sake, find a FEW KIND
WORDS to say about them!" There is, by now, that trademark sob in
Campbell's voice. He continues to agonise on, lambasting Mitchell
for "slagging off" his players. "No employer ANYWHERE would do that
and, and, and, and I - I think this is what I found MOST
dispiriting.... I mean, we don't really NEED to be given a full list
of Christian Cullen's failings. I think we all KNOW that he's not
the player he was three or four years ago. Just be
KI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IND."
together - John ("Newsman") Campbell comes on for his weekly (unpaid)
spot. After joking with Devlin about Devlin's vasectomy, Campbell
goes into a lengthy, sorrowful discourse, speaking extra slowly** in
his fruity basso profundo, about the "unkind" way that Mitchell treats
his players. "You know, I've been thinking about this a LOT," he
announces, "and, and, and what most upsets me is.... what we want
from our All Blacks is n-n-n-n-n-n-not that they play great, or, or,
or, or, or*** that they win, but that they KI-I-I-I-IND OF provide
some LEADERSHIP within the community. I just think it is BEHOLDEN on
the All Black coach to drop his players with a degree of COMPASSION
that the NZRFU are constantly demanding from - from YOU, for example,
Martin, you know-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w. If ya HAVE to drop players - and
it's GOING to be inevitable - then for heaven's sake, find a FEW KIND
WORDS to say about them!" There is, by now, that trademark sob in
Campbell's voice. He continues to agonise on, lambasting Mitchell
for "slagging off" his players. "No employer ANYWHERE would do that
and, and, and, and I - I think this is what I found MOST
dispiriting.... I mean, we don't really NEED to be given a full list
of Christian Cullen's failings. I think we all KNOW that he's not
the player he was three or four years ago. Just be
KI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-IND."
DEVLIN: Well, a good point and very well made and passionately so.
..... Not EVERYONE is a sheep and a blind loyalist! .... <snip
self-righteous cant>.....
..... Not EVERYONE is a sheep and a blind loyalist! .... <snip
self-righteous cant>.....
8:20 a.m. The raging against the All Blacks and the NZRFU
continues....
continues....
DEVLIN: There ARE murmurings of discontent. I just don't understand.
What - are we all meant to now sit back, shut up and just watch the
thing unfold in total blind faith, not being told anything of
consequence, fed on bollocks like ‘the outcome isn't as important as
the performance'? Your thoughts, Radio Sport, 8:20, 0800 TALKSPORT.
Mike, good morning.
What - are we all meant to now sit back, shut up and just watch the
thing unfold in total blind faith, not being told anything of
consequence, fed on bollocks like ‘the outcome isn't as important as
the performance'? Your thoughts, Radio Sport, 8:20, 0800 TALKSPORT.
Mike, good morning.
MIKE: Yeah how are ya?
DEVLIN: G'day.
MIKE: Hey Marty, uh, just, ahhh, short sweet one, ahhhhhm. Fans and
that of, ahhhh, New Zealand, ahhhh, don't have to worry ‘cos Blair is
too WEAK and SMALL and, ahhhhh, the Souf Africans and the Aussies will
deal to ‘im and also, ahhhhh, the captain Thorn. I think he'll be
injured too and he'll be GONE and, ahhhhh, the vibes are....
<bores on for several minutes>
that of, ahhhh, New Zealand, ahhhh, don't have to worry ‘cos Blair is
too WEAK and SMALL and, ahhhhh, the Souf Africans and the Aussies will
deal to ‘im and also, ahhhhh, the captain Thorn. I think he'll be
injured too and he'll be GONE and, ahhhhh, the vibes are....
<bores on for several minutes>
DEVLIN: Johnno, good morning!
JOHNNO: Yeah good morning Marty. Listen, I'm a real All Black
supporter but, ahhhhh, there's four factors I want to say....<snip
three minutes of bilge> ....It's Mitchell that is responsible for
this.... this DARKNESS, this VOID, between them and the media....
Marty, we are so far behind the AMERICANS.... [continues raving]....
supporter but, ahhhhh, there's four factors I want to say....<snip
three minutes of bilge> ....It's Mitchell that is responsible for
this.... this DARKNESS, this VOID, between them and the media....
Marty, we are so far behind the AMERICANS.... [continues raving]....
8.30 a.m.
ARE the critics being too harsh? ARE the fans being just a little TOO
critical?
Devlin blames the All Black management for all the negative comments
and constant slagging of the coach and team. "If you treat people
with contempt," he obseves solemnly, and with no discernible irony,
"then that's how they'll treat you."
ARE the critics being too harsh? ARE the fans being just a little TOO
critical?
Devlin blames the All Black management for all the negative comments
and constant slagging of the coach and team. "If you treat people
with contempt," he obseves solemnly, and with no discernible irony,
"then that's how they'll treat you."
On top of this ongoing war against the All Black management, the
bitter, simmering feud continues between Devlin and his beer-gutted
nemesis, Phat Phil Gifford. This morning an English-accented stooge
rings up to sneer at Gifford for a sycophantic interview he conducted
with John Mitchell yesterday. "Did you HEAR it?" he asks Devlin, in
disgust. "He just fed him patsy questions!" Devlin manfully
refrains from uttering an affirmative comment.
bitter, simmering feud continues between Devlin and his beer-gutted
nemesis, Phat Phil Gifford. This morning an English-accented stooge
rings up to sneer at Gifford for a sycophantic interview he conducted
with John Mitchell yesterday. "Did you HEAR it?" he asks Devlin, in
disgust. "He just fed him patsy questions!" Devlin manfully
refrains from uttering an affirmative comment.
And another "educated" caller....
DARREN: Ah yeah mate I'm a .... ahhhh ..... a real .....ahhhh.....
passionate..... ahhhhhh..... rugby follower.... <impenetrable nonsense
snipped>
passionate..... ahhhhhh..... rugby follower.... <impenetrable nonsense
snipped>
DEVLIN: It's not just pesky media, you know, mischief-making members
of the sports media, the flat earthers who are making these
allegations. I dunno. Is THAT a fair and reasonable argument, or am
I just being "negative"? .... <snip hundreds more words in like
vein>....
of the sports media, the flat earthers who are making these
allegations. I dunno. Is THAT a fair and reasonable argument, or am
I just being "negative"? .... <snip hundreds more words in like
vein>....
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8:45 a.m. Interviews Grant Fox, who has obviously listened to John
Campbell fulminating a little earlier: "I heard some comment this
morning," he snarls. "Now Mitchell is being criticised for saying too
MUCH! He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. YOU CAN'T
HAVE IT BOTH WAYS."
Campbell fulminating a little earlier: "I heard some comment this
morning," he snarls. "Now Mitchell is being criticised for saying too
MUCH! He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. YOU CAN'T
HAVE IT BOTH WAYS."
8:50 a.m. MAD BUTCHER "ADVERT".....
BUTCHER: Nick nick. Nick nick. Nick nick.
DEVLIN: What?
BUTCHER: You know. The SNIP.
DEVLIN: Oh! I see! Have you had YOURS done mate?
BUTCHER: I fire loaded bullets, mate!
DEVLIN: Oh do you? You dirty old bugger!
BUTCHER: Nick nick. Nick nick. Nick nick.
DEVLIN: What?
BUTCHER: You know. The SNIP.
DEVLIN: Oh! I see! Have you had YOURS done mate?
BUTCHER: I fire loaded bullets, mate!
DEVLIN: Oh do you? You dirty old bugger!
[Show winds down lamely....]
* This is not a hoax.
** This deiberate way of speaking is designed to convey Campbell's
gravitas.
*** This affected stuttering conveys great sincerity.
** This deiberate way of speaking is designed to convey Campbell's
gravitas.
*** This affected stuttering conveys great sincerity.
..............................
If you want to e-mail Devlin's employers to praise him or complain
about him, e-mail this address:
sp...@radiosport.co.nz
about him, e-mail this address:
sp...@radiosport.co.nz
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