Wednesday 31 January 2018

NZ has possibly the two worst breakfast TV programmes in the world (Aug. 11, 2015)

  2. 11 August 2015 at 8:22 pm
    “Is this the end of LOL?”
    NZ has possibly the two worst breakfast TV programmes in the world
    Breakfast (Television One), Paul Henry (TV3)
    Tuesday 11 August 2015
    dire /ˈdʌɪə/ adjective of a very poor quality, dreadful, terrible
    Following are the impressions I gained from a quick perusal of both channels this morning. To be fair, I did not subject myself to the ordeal of watching all or even most of the morning’s programs, so it is possible that I missed something intelligent, thoughtful and stimulating. But, based on what I did manage to see this morning, and also on what I’ve seen in the past, these programs are banal at best [1], an insult to the intelligence on most days [2], and occasionally outrageous and revolting [3].
    Shortly after seven o’clock, both channels are filled with the lugubrious mug of the Professor John Burrows, the unknown minor academic plucked from obscure retirement to head the all star cast (Julie Christie, Kate Di Goldi, some old soldier and some sports people) that comprises John Key’s “Flag Consideration Panel.” The alternative flags have been whittled down to the final forty, but nobody cares—least of all Rawdon Christie’s offsider Ali Pugh, who openly expresses her disinterest in the farce. As always, the old trougher Burrows has nothing interesting to say, on either channel.
    Some time after 7 o’clock, Paul Henry checks in with the woman in the “tech bunker” who monitors social media for him. Occasionally this segment is quite amusing—those occasions are when she spurns Henry’s ham-fisted attempts to flirt with her. Usually, however, this is nothing more than two minutes of chat about the most mind-numbing trivia. Today the topic is another bit of Facebook inanity: what was so good about the 80s? For a moment, Henry gets serious and solemnly intones: “Back in the 1980s, you didn’t need signs saying ‘Hot’ on a cup of coffee.” Since 1994, the story of the McDonald’s scalding case has been part of the rhetorical arsenal for the extreme right. It’s a distorted, extreme misconstruing of what actually happened, but that doesn’t matter to political ideologues like Paul Henry. [4]
    8:20 a.m. TV3 Paul Henry’s daily Panel—this is like Jim Mora’s Panel on National Radio, only shorter. This morning, the guests are TV3 reporter Sarah Hall and a dapper fellow namedJulian Andrews, who looks and talks like a “creative” from an advertising agency, though he is billed grandly as a “business strategist.” The first topic is the future (or non-future) of rail in New Zealand. Henry, of course, reiterates how he is dead-set opposed to rail, Julian Andrews mutters something about the public good, and Sarah Hall looks perplexed, frowns to show how troubled she is, and then says: “I’m just glad I’m not in Treasury!” Then the conversation takes a bizarre yet optimistic turn….
    JULIAN ANDREWS: Do we really want 27,000 more trucks on the roads? Anyway, self-drive cars are going to render all this a non-issue!
    PAUL HENRY: Tell Len Brown about driverless cars! I’ve tried to!
    JULIAN ANDREWS: I was talking the other day to someone from Singularity University about driverl—-
    PAUL HENRY: What?!? “Singularity University”!!?!? Where’s THAT?
    JULIAN ANDREWS: In Silicon Valley.
    PAUL HENRY: Oh of COURSE it’s in Silicon Valley!
    SARAH HALL: Ha ha ha ha ha!
    Also at the table, silent throughout this scintillating conversation, are newsreader Hillary Barry and sports guy Jim Kayes. They both strain to maintain their rictus smiles.
    Meanwhile, at 8:27 a.m. on Television One….
    RAWDON CHRISTIE: Is this the end of “LOL”? Next up, the modern language merry-go-round!”

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