Tuesday, 9 January 2018

The Clobbering Machine (Aug. 4, 2013)

The Clobbering Machine
Just over a week ago, on Saturday 27 July, an unpleasant thread appeared in The Standard, entitled “Lazy Jono on 3 News invents a story”. Second-team TV3 jonolist Jono Hutchinsonhad mischievously quoted an incendiary remark by activist/commentator/provocateur Jenny in order to reinforce his—or more accurately, his boss Patrick Gower’s—allegation that Shearer and Cunliffe had squabbled in public at a protest meeting against the Snooping Bill.
The headmaster, Mr Prent, quickly administered a stern lecture to Jenny, and that of course should have been the end of it. Unwisely, though, Jenny answered back, and the headmaster dished out an even sterner scolding. Once again, that should have been the end of the matter. Unfortunately, however, the school yobbos and one or two thickies heard what was happening, and decided to get in on the act….
SCENE: The Back Benchers Tavern, Wellington. On the sound system, something mellow and atmospheric by the Phoenix Foundation—although the pleasant music is somewhat undermined by the deranged shouting of a drunken army officer bawling threats at a tall young man in one corner. The rest of the bar seems to have been taken over by a motley group of malcontents, complainers and vehement political junkies as well as various sad hangers-on, coat-tailers and vacuous gigglers. In fact, that’s exactly what has happened: a large group of Standard regulars are knocking back the hard stuff and dishing out the verbals. At one table sits the fearsome foul-mouthed feminist Queen of Thorns. All afternoon QoT has been slamming back tequila after tequila after tequila, occasionally snarling at anybody unwise enough to cast an apprehensive glance at her, “Don’t you DARE fucking label me!”. This terrifying Medusa is attended by various hapless minions, foremost among them the Labour Party apparatchik, self-appointed enforcer and tireless deliverer of spurious accusations, Te Reo Putake, AKA “Squealer”. As well as diligently agreeing with every one of QoT’s feisty feminist flare-ups, Te Reo Putake has been hovering over the proceedings like a rain-sodden black cloud, waiting for his chance to dump on Jenny’s parade.
Lounging at an adjoining table is the aforesaid contingent of hangers-on and gigglers, a rather pathetic and contemptible group comprising Morrissey BreenArfamoWeka andColonial Viper. They are all listening intently to Queen of Thorns as she lays into poor beleaguered Jenny….
QoT: [snarling] Right, so you didn’t provide the link because you weren’t actually transcribing the audio but we’re meant to take your word for it even though others can’t verify it. That would be you making shit up right there, wouldn’t it?
This frothing denunciation leads to an awkward silence. Nobody dares to speak. When the Queen of Thorns is up on her high horse like this, nobody has the courage to cross her, not even the notoriously feisty Jenny. An ominous gloom settles over the Standardista community. Even more ominously, it looks like now is the time for Squealer to unleash his burden…
Te Reo Putake: [roaring with choleric rage] Bullshit, Jenny. You made that up. It didn’t happen.
QoT: [glowering] Gods forbid anyone question your integrity given your extensive history of making shit up to suit your own narrative, but care to link to the footage you’re claiming to transcribe?
McFlock: omg, she’s turning into morrissey…
Colonial Viper: [stupid giggle] Heh heh heh. That’s funny.
weka: I’d like to know what bizarre universe it is we’ve all ended up in where we’re feeling compelled to speak up for Shearer. Planet Jenny.

Arfamo: Lol. I feel your pain and I share it.
Te Reo Putake: Just for fun, I’d like to suggest that future examples of lazy news reporting are tagged as ‘jonolism’. Like, “Hi, I’m a jonolist from 3 News!”
EVERYONE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Te Reo Putake: Or “Look Mum I’ve won an award for my jonolism!”
Mr Prent: [grimly] Heh! Almost worth doing as an object lesson.
Arfamo: Lol. Jonolism is where reporters simply Garner their own news.
Colonial Viper: [dopey chuckle] That’s funny.
Meanwhile, in a dark corner of the bar, a drunken and aggressive slob continues to dish out threats to New Zealand’s best journalist….
ARMY GENERAL WHO CANNOT BE NAMED: I have contacts in Afgh*n*st*n and I can have you fucking killed just like THAT! And I fucking will, you subversive communist al Qaeda fuckhead!
JOHN STEPHENSON: You’re drunk, Rh*s. You’re making a fool of yourself.
NOTE: This is a reconstruction of an actual conversation.
If you want, you can follow the whole abject thing in its original form….
http://thestandard.org.nz/lazy-jono-on-3-news-invents-a-story/#comment-670074
  • bad1211.1
    LOLZ, put another log on the fire….
    • Morrissey11.1.1
      Nice song. I think they play it at the Back Benchers sometimes….
      • bad1211.1.1.1
        Never been there, i fear the place is a fire-hazard, humorous wee lampoon you have posted there,
        It’s intention is to…
        • Tim11.1.1.1.1
          “It’s intention is to…”
          …… possibly show that Morissey can be just as cynical about himself as he can be aout others (which to my mind is a good thing)
        • Morrissey11.1.1.1.2
          Never been there, i fear the place is a fire-hazard, humorous wee lampoon you have posted there. It’s intention is to…
          There is a serious reason I repackaged and presented those dismal messages for the reconsideration of Standard regulars. It is to highlight something that greatly troubles me, and indeed should trouble anyone who values free and open discussion, conducted in a serious and civil tone.
          I’m talking about a particularly malicious insult that our friend Te Reo Putake has regularly employed against me, and no doubt many others who have crossed him. QoT used it twice in that thread, against Jenny. This is the continued repetition of the lie that your opponent is “making shit up”.
          Instead of dealing with the substance of an uncomfortable issue, some people resort reflexively to abuse, and the repetition of a sordid piece of rhetorical abuse. Te Reo Putake is undoubtedly the worst offender here, but felix has also indulged in it, and (as we saw) so has QoT. This is the scurrilous and cynical behaviour you expect to see on the crazier right wing blogs; to see it indulged in on a mostly excellent and thoughtful forum like The Standard is extremely worrying.
          • bad1211.1.1.1.2.1
            Tho i have no reason to support many of those you ‘name’ and in fact the opposite of that is true, my opinion is that while the accusation of ‘making s**t up’ is to a certain extent gutter language probably saying more about it’s users than anything else the substance of what they were pointing out could be said to be largely true,
            A re-litigation of this whole issue seems unwarranted but i found one of Jenny’s comments about the Shearer interjection, whether it actually occurred or not, to be rather ludicrous,
            To be able to infer from that one simple interjection, made or otherwise, that Shearer was Bullying Cunliffe would be, in my opinion, within the realm of ‘making s**t up’…
          • One Anonymous Knucklehead11.1.1.1.2.2
            Morrissey, there are no reliable witnesses, which means that making shit up is a condition we all share. Therefore it cannot be an insult.
          • felix11.1.1.1.2.3
            You do make shit up Morrissey. I’ve pointed it out several times when you’ve made up quotes you think you heard on the radio but never bothered to check.
            • Morrissey
              You do make shit up Morrissey.
              No I do not. And you know it.
              I’ve pointed it out several times when you’ve made up quotes you think you heard on the radio but never bothered to check.
              I have often conceded that not all of my transcripts are word-perfect. But they are always true to the spirit and substance of what has been said. If you want to object to my slant on an issue, or the way I have portrayed someone, that is fair enough, but you have occasionally taken the unwise option of following Te Reo Putake’s lead and claimed that what I write is all “made up.” That’s obviously the way he deals, or thinks he deals, with people at his LEC meetings, but such extreme and spurious tactics don’t work here. I would have thought you had more nous than to take such a lead.
              Perhaps your most grievous misjudgement was when you claimed that Chris (Haw Haw) Trotter had not delivered a depraved and pretentious defence of the appalling Florida jury decision in the Trayvon Martin case; he had done exactly that, of course, but you made some ridiculous claim that I had not put his windy oratory “in context”.
              We all expect better of you, felix, and I’m sure you will return to your normal high standards sooner rather than later.
              • felix
                Morrissey.
                Last time you actually said your transcript was accurate. It was nothing of the sort.
                And you are wrong about Trotter. I posted the audio to prove it. He did not say what you said he did, literally or otherwise.
                Your writing is funny and clever but it is an outright lie to call it “transcribing”. It is fiction, sometimes based on actual events, sometimes entirely imaginary.
                I challenge you to post the links to the audio next time so people can judge for themselves.
                • Morrissey
                  Love you, felix. I take your point, but disagree about Trotter. He commented on that verdict, and it was all in support of the jury’s decision. I would provide a verbatim transcript if I could, but I can’t even get the link you provided to play on my computer.
                  Maybe some kind soul—Queen of Thorns, perhaps?—might like to assist me by providing a transcript.
  • Tim11.2
    “That’s funny :)”
  • North11.3
    Vintage Morrissey. Love it !
  • QoT11.5
    … I don’t get it. Besides adding your own spin on something which people can easily read for themselves, what’s the point?
    Nice attempt at shaming me with the drinking and “apparatchik” comments, though, they really add to your cred as the one-man Open mike crusade against whoever you’ve decided to paraphrase for the day.
    • Morrissey11.5.1
      … I don’t get it.
      Oh come on, Your Majesty! I think you get it perfectly well.
      Besides adding your own spin on something which people can easily read for themselves, what’s the point?
      Dramatization, my dear. It’s been going on since the days of THIS BLOKE….
      http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fk7zwBoZgXk/T1u9ChkNA4I/AAAAAAAAAJE/6_hcvMexHGA/s320/shakespeare.jpg
      Nice attempt at shaming me with the drinking and “apparatchik” comments, though,
      The tequila detailing, and the “Don’t judge me” thing come straight from your website’s “About” page. The apparatchik dig was aimed at our friend Te Reo, not at you.
      they really add to your cred as the one-man Open mike crusade against whoever you’ve decided to paraphrase for the day.
      Those were direct quotes, not paraphrases.
      And….I know we’ve had some rather spiteful exchanges, but I enjoy your writing, and I’ve even commented (positively) on some of your Daily Blog articles.
      • QoT11.5.1.1
        The tequila detailing, and the “Don’t judge me” thing come straight from your website’s “About” page.
        Context is meaningless! Up is down! Morrissey’s fantasies about the Jim Mora panel are completely accurate!
        Take your bullshit “praise” and go fuck yourself with it, mate.
        • Colonial Viper11.5.1.1.1
          Are you sure that Morrisey didn’t capture your incandescent verbal style just write?
          • McFlock11.5.1.1.1.1
            style, like beauty, is oft in the eyes of the beholder (as is comedy). But morrissey keeps claiming that his conceptual pieces are “accurate”, and I can never figure out whether he’s seriously delusional or just taking perfomance art to the next level, like Sacha Baron Cohen or Laibach.
            Either way it’s not really my cup of tea.
            • Morrissey
              ….like Sacha Baron Cohen or Laibach.
              Big difference between myself and Sacha Baron Cohen: I target the arrogant (Key and his cronies), the dishonest (Garth “Gaga” George), the vicious (Dr Michael Bassett, Garth the Knife McVicar), the pompous (Chris Trotter), the vacuous (Simon Farrell Green, Murray Deaker), the smug (Kerre Woodham), the hypocritical (“Sir” Graham Henry) and the corrupt (John “Cabbage Boat” Banks).
              Sacha Baron Cohen’s targets are the poor, the kind, the polite, and the victims of war crimes. He is a brutal and reckless liar, and a fanatical supporter of an outlaw state.
              Comparing that scumbag to me was a misjudgement on your part.
              Laibach I do have some time for; those guys are a timely reminder that Slovenia produces better things than foolish and shallow poseurs like Slavoj Žižek.
          • QoT11.5.1.1.1.2
            I’m sure that when I call myself a tequila-drinking bitch who rejects labels, it’s very very different from when Morrissey calls me a tequila-drinking bitch who rejects labels.
            But of course he’s ~dramatizing~ things so misogynist behaviour-policing is totally okay.
        • Morrissey11.5.1.1.2
          Context is meaningless!
          I’m sorry to have to say that inanely shouting slogans does not enhance your credibility one bit. I think you’re trying to imply with your ranting that, for me, context is meaningless. That, of course, is a ridiculous accusation; I go to great pains to always put my writing in context.
          Up is down!
          Could you provide an example of my trying to say any such thing? Of course you can’t, but I am eagerly awaiting your tabling of the evidence.
          Morrissey’s fantasies about the Jim Mora panel are completely accurate!
          “Fantasies”? Oh, I see—you’re channeling Te Reo Putake! Bad idea, that.
          Take your bullshit “praise” and go fuck yourself with it, mate.
          The praise was genuine, but it appears you lack the grace to let bygones be bygones. I do admire your feistiness, but you should know that not everybody has my patience. I advise you to dial down the indignation a notch or two.
  • Te Reo Putake11.6
    Jeez, Moz, I was tempted to be positive about this effort, especially since, for the first time ever, you accurately transcribed the quotes, but your hopeless drivel about me in your replies really only leaves room for one retort.
    You’re making shit up.
    Feel free to transcribe these words any way that makes sense to you, dude.
    • Morrissey11.6.1
      Jeez, Moz, I was tempted to be positive about this effort, especially since, for the first time ever, you accurately transcribed the quotes, but your hopeless drivel about me in your replies really only leaves room for one retort.
      Oh puh-leeeease! Enough already with the wounded admonitions. I believe my characterisation imbued you with a demonic energy that will see the ladies flocking around you, you bad boy you.
      You’re making shit up.
      If that’s a technical term for lifting some banal online banter out of its usual obscurity and putting it into a Broadway production, then this writer, i.e., moi is….
      http://finkorswim.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/guilty2.png
      Feel free to transcribe these words any way that makes sense to you, dude.
      Thanks dude. Keep up the good work.

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