Monday, 8 January 2018

No Mihi Forbes, no John Campbell—but THESE jackasses are still on TV every night. (Nov. 30, 2015)

30 November 2015 at 7:52 pm
Hosking holds court, as his underlings dutifully guffaw at his deliberate faux pas;
No Mihi Forbes, no John Campbell—but THESE jackasses are still on TV every night.
Television One News (final minute) and When Hilary Met Oprah, TV3, 7 p.m., Monday 30 November 2015
grovel n. to humble oneself or act in an abject manner, as in great fear or utter servility.
6:59 p.m. The Television One news is winding to a close, but the groveling is only getting started. An ill-at-ease Thunderbird puppet swivels in his chair and addresses the coiffured, preening star of the upcoming show….
SIMON DALLOW: Coming up on Seven Sharp, an interview with Michael Bublé. I’ll bet you’re a fan, Mike!
MIKE “KING OF CONTRA” HOSKING: Oooh yeah! Everybody likes the Boobs!
…..Pregnant pause….
SIMON DALLOW: Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho!
TONI STREET: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
WENDY “FIST PUMPER” PETRIE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
SIMON DALLOW: That was your David Seymour moment!
MIKE “KING OF CONTRA” HOSKING: A few minutes back on the job and I’m already in trouble!
WENDY “FIST PUMPER” PETRIE: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
SIMON DALLOW: Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!
TONI STREET: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I cut away from that rubbish to have a look at what was happening on TV3. Incredibly, it was even more cringe-inducing than watching Hosking’s hapless underlings perform their duty. Hilary Barry had been granted an audience with Her Majesty Oprah Winfrey; this was a publicity exercise for Oprah’s forthcoming visit to New Zealand. Barry, embarrassingly, gushed about how nervous she was; Oprah responded by offering to give her a reassuring hug. After that, Oprah did all the talking. Hilary Barry’s part consisted of gazing at her with a desperate intensity, not even pretending to be an interviewer, but playing the demeaning role of awe-struck and reverential devotee.
But no matter how much she may have been forced to debase herself before Oprah Winfrey, it still beats her day job….
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