Monday 8 January 2018

Radio lightweights sling off at Miss USA (June 21, 2011)

21 June 2011 at 5:42 pm
Radio lightweights sling off at Miss USA
National Radio, “The Panel”, Tuesday 21 June 2011
Jim Mora, Susan Baldacci, Graham Bell, Julia Hartley Moore
Last Wednesday, the target of their scorn was a Playboy bunny-girl. This week, another young American beauty has drawn the contempt of some of radio’s finest intellects…
MORA: Uh, Susan Baldacci, what’s the world talking about on the social networks?
SUSAN BALDACCI: We’ve got a new Miss USA!
MORA: Hur, hur, hur!
GRAHAM BELL: Ho ho ho ho ho!
BALDACCI: Yes! Miss California, Alyssa Campanella, crowned as Miss USA in Las Vegas on Sunday, says she’s a history geek!
MORA: Oh really? Hur, hur, hur, hur, hur!
BELL: Ho ho ho ho ho!
BALDACCI: Yes, she says she has watched Braveheart, Gladiator, and Shakespeare in Love. And she’s a huge fan of Camelot, apparently.
BELL: Ho ho ho ho ho! She probably thinks Camelot is about the Kennedys!
MORA: Ha ha ha ha ha! She probably DOES think that!
BALDACCI: Ha ha ha ha ha!
BELL: Ho ho ho ho ho!
BALDACCI: And she made an unbelievable speech! The judges asked her about her thoughts on the legalization of medical marijuana in California. Here’s what she said: “Medical marijuana is sort of like medicine. I’m not sure if it should be legalized, if it would really affect, with the drug war. That kind of tells me there’s a war going on, and the people on drugs are winning. America doesn’t lose wars. So we need to get the Army in there and take down the Islamic pot lords. I mean, it’s abused today, unfortunately, so that’s the only reason why I would kind of be a little bit against it, but medically it’s OK. And if the law-making people legalize it, then that would be great too. But I still wouldn’t do it because my friends tell me that weed makes you hungry, and I can’t risk eating food at this stage in my career.”
MORA: Hur, hur, hur, hur, hur!
BELL: Ho ho ho ho ho! She’s obviously a towering intellect!
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After the 4:30 news, the Panelists get their chance to say what’s on their minds. As you read what they have to say, bear in mind that, unlike beauty contestants, these two have had days to come up with something witty and/or intelligent to say. Let’s see how they did…
Here are the considered thoughts of panelist Julia Hartley Moore: “Greece is the dirtiest country I’ve ever been to. Is it something to do with the people? The mindset? I dunno.”
And here are the considered thoughts of panelist Graham Bell: “There’s a number of things that RANKLE me and FRUSTRATE me….Some time, just once in a blue moon, I’d like to get TWO biscuits with my cup of coffee, not just one biscuit!”
If only Miss USA could be serious and intelligent, like these people.
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