Tuesday 28/10/03
Radio Sport, 7:25 am: That astute and respected football commentator
Martin Devlin says he hopes that Jonathan Kaplan will be the referee
"for the final against England." Not "France or England", which a
serious and knowledgeable pundit like Devlin or Andrew ("Slobber")
Saveloy might be expected to say. Just England. It's a fait
accompli, after all. Just like in 1999. Gosh, it's just great to
have such smart, well-informed football journalists on the radio!
Radio Sport, 7:40 am. The asinine Tony Veitch is speaking in high
seriousness: "If we don't win the World Cup, Marty, there'll be hell
to pay! There'll be all sorts of people putting their hand up and
saying I told you so! This will be one very unhappy rugby nation!"
seriousness: "If we don't win the World Cup, Marty, there'll be hell
to pay! There'll be all sorts of people putting their hand up and
saying I told you so! This will be one very unhappy rugby nation!"
"Veitchy" then goes on to make some observations about the great
racing car driver Mario Andretti, who is in New Zealand for a few
days. Veitch states, wrongly, that American sports people are
"friendly" and then adds, pointedly, that "some of our sports people
could take a leaf out of their book." Brilliantly, the boyish Veitch
has transformed a talk about Mario Andretti into just another dig at a
certain football team currently on a campaign in Australia. Devlin of
course agrees with his learned guest and chortles his wholehearted
support for Veitch's words...
racing car driver Mario Andretti, who is in New Zealand for a few
days. Veitch states, wrongly, that American sports people are
"friendly" and then adds, pointedly, that "some of our sports people
could take a leaf out of their book." Brilliantly, the boyish Veitch
has transformed a talk about Mario Andretti into just another dig at a
certain football team currently on a campaign in Australia. Devlin of
course agrees with his learned guest and chortles his wholehearted
support for Veitch's words...
Newstalk ZB has been playing a series of spots called "World Cup
Moments", sponsored by Coca Cola. Now, of course, nobody expects
much depth or insight in a thirty-second radio commercial. But these
"World Cup Moments" seem especially shallow. At 2:45 pm, whilst
manoeuvring the Breen-mobile through one of Auckland's less salubrious
suburbs, I chance on an especially contemptible one....
Moments", sponsored by Coca Cola. Now, of course, nobody expects
much depth or insight in a thirty-second radio commercial. But these
"World Cup Moments" seem especially shallow. At 2:45 pm, whilst
manoeuvring the Breen-mobile through one of Auckland's less salubrious
suburbs, I chance on an especially contemptible one....
On top of an aural bed of Kiri Te Kanawa droning out the soporific
"World in Union", the orotund tones of Andrew ("Slobber") Saveloy
declaim the following immortal words: "The PAIN of four years ago is
still almost impossible to bear. The All Blacks were almost DEAD
CERTS to win their semi-final against France. The French had a simple
game plan - to upset the All Blacks BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE. And it
WORKED!" [Cue Graham Moody's anguished commentary from end of
match.... ]
"World in Union", the orotund tones of Andrew ("Slobber") Saveloy
declaim the following immortal words: "The PAIN of four years ago is
still almost impossible to bear. The All Blacks were almost DEAD
CERTS to win their semi-final against France. The French had a simple
game plan - to upset the All Blacks BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE. And it
WORKED!" [Cue Graham Moody's anguished commentary from end of
match.... ]
I guess what is really so dispiriting about this kind of thing is not
just the profound, nearly unbelievable arrogance of the words that
Saveloy reads out; rather, it is that Saveloy seems to have not
re-assessed a single thing he said four years ago. He has not learned
anything.
just the profound, nearly unbelievable arrogance of the words that
Saveloy reads out; rather, it is that Saveloy seems to have not
re-assessed a single thing he said four years ago. He has not learned
anything.
That's incredible.
Wednesday 29/10/03
6:20 a.m. I tune in to Newstalk ZB to catch Andrew ("Slobber")
Saveloy's daily humiliation at the hands of Paul Holmes...
HOLMES: Andrew good morning. You're locked in your chair. What happened?
SAVELOY: Errrr... ummmm...
HOLMES: Listen, I woke up this morning and thought I'd written Lord of the Rings.
SAVELOY: [nervously] Ha!
[Long silence]
HOLMES: And then I realised I'd been Tolkein in my sleep!
[Long silence]
SAVELOY: Ahhhhhmmm...
[long silence]
HOLMES: Hul-lo?
SAVELOY: Errrrrrmmmm....
HOLMES: Moving on....
Thursday 30/10/03
Watch the Romania v Namibia match?
Me neither.
Watch the Romania v Namibia match?
Me neither.
Friday 31/10/03
Slobber Saveloy comes on to speak to Larry Williams, Newstalk ZB,
4:35pm. Once again, the embarrassingly bad Saveloy embarrasses
himself by being totally unprepared, and having only the most tenuous
grip on what he is talking about ....
Slobber Saveloy comes on to speak to Larry Williams, Newstalk ZB,
4:35pm. Once again, the embarrassingly bad Saveloy embarrasses
himself by being totally unprepared, and having only the most tenuous
grip on what he is talking about ....
Today's "errrrrrrmmmmmm" count: 12.
Here's a sample of the dialogue....
SAVELOY: I notice, Larry, errrrrrrrrmmmmm.... that several players signed to NZRFU contracts .... errrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm .... have not been given a Super 12 contract. [sardonically] So they'll be having an easy time over the summer....
WILLIAMS: They'd have a clause in their contracts stipulating that the contracts were conditional on their actually playing. Wouldn't they?
[long mortified silence]
SAVELOY: Errrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmm....
WILLIAMS: Well, they would, surely. Wouldn't they?
[Clearly, Saveloy hasn't got a clue....]
Saturday 1/11/03
This writer takes some time to listen to "The Screaming Skull". No,
stoo-pid - not Doug Golightly, not Willie Lose, but MURRAY DEAKER....
This writer takes some time to listen to "The Screaming Skull". No,
stoo-pid - not Doug Golightly, not Willie Lose, but MURRAY DEAKER....
Deaker today utters some words in disparagement of the IRB, which he
reckons is treating the "minnow" nations like Samoa, and the fans,
with contempt. "Idiots believe what we are being fed," he froths.
Hmmmmmm.... This certainly represents a radical change for Deaker,
who has earned himself Good Conduct medals from the IRB and the
Australian RU for his fawning, some might say sycophantic, attitude
towards Vernon Pugh (R.I.P.) and his patsy questions to ARU boss John
O'Neill.
reckons is treating the "minnow" nations like Samoa, and the fans,
with contempt. "Idiots believe what we are being fed," he froths.
Hmmmmmm.... This certainly represents a radical change for Deaker,
who has earned himself Good Conduct medals from the IRB and the
Australian RU for his fawning, some might say sycophantic, attitude
towards Vernon Pugh (R.I.P.) and his patsy questions to ARU boss John
O'Neill.
You can see Deaker (in the striped shirt) interviewing O'Neill
(seated, in white) by clicking HERE....
http://www.hedning.no/hedning/
Sunday 2/11/03
Thoughtfully ruminating on what might happen should an unimaginable
catastrophe strike this country in the next few weeks, Deaker booms
ominously: "If you think John Hart copped it, STAND BY! I tell you
there'll be an AVALANCHE if he doesn't win THIS!"
And the gems just keep on coming!.... More Deaker: "I've been in
this job too long.... I'm getting too old.... I'm really into the
cliche stuff now - one day at a time. It'll be a very, very hard
quarter-final."
this job too long.... I'm getting too old.... I'm really into the
cliche stuff now - one day at a time. It'll be a very, very hard
quarter-final."
At 12: 45 pm, Cath rings up to question whether those stadia are
really "clean stadia", as in devoid of all advertising other than by
the official sponsors. This was, of course, one of the demands that
was foisted on the NZRFU, demands which the NZRFU could not meet. It
was one of the major reasons cited by the gruesome twosome of John
O'Neill and Vernon Pugh (R.I.P.) for their decision to take the
sub-hosting rights off New Zealand. Deaker, of course, was and is the
number one cheerleader for O'Neill and the IRB.
really "clean stadia", as in devoid of all advertising other than by
the official sponsors. This was, of course, one of the demands that
was foisted on the NZRFU, demands which the NZRFU could not meet. It
was one of the major reasons cited by the gruesome twosome of John
O'Neill and Vernon Pugh (R.I.P.) for their decision to take the
sub-hosting rights off New Zealand. Deaker, of course, was and is the
number one cheerleader for O'Neill and the IRB.
DEAKER: [carefully, deliberately] What it cost them was 18 million
to clean them. .... [pause]... Cath , we can look around for some
way of picking a hole in the Australians. I wanna tell ya something:
DON"T BOTHER! They have done it perfectly. We are - we were -
IDIOTS! It's as simple as that. We've - The two blokes that made
those decisions have both their jobs and we've gotta move on.
to clean them. .... [pause]... Cath , we can look around for some
way of picking a hole in the Australians. I wanna tell ya something:
DON"T BOTHER! They have done it perfectly. We are - we were -
IDIOTS! It's as simple as that. We've - The two blokes that made
those decisions have both their jobs and we've gotta move on.
CATH: Ohhh the Australians have done it well.
DEAKER: They've done it well.
CATH: Just a shame there was that one point difference last night
though.
though.
DEAKER: Oh I don't hate them as much as you do Cath....
Later on, Deaker raves that referees "pick on dark players". "And I
don't care WHAT people think when I say that," he defiantly asserts.
Strangely he does not comment on the French teams that get picked on.
Maybe he thinks that Andre Watson's bizarre anti-French performance in
the 1999 World Cup final was aimed at the "dark players" in the French
team...
don't care WHAT people think when I say that," he defiantly asserts.
Strangely he does not comment on the French teams that get picked on.
Maybe he thinks that Andre Watson's bizarre anti-French performance in
the 1999 World Cup final was aimed at the "dark players" in the French
team...
I switch off the bore from the North Shore to spend an hour watching a
repeat of the infamous "documentary" On Tour with the All Black Army,
about the "supporters" on the 1999 World Cup tour led by Buck
Shelford. The doco starts off with three overweight, beer-sodden
young Kiwi expat gits, one of whom slurs: "It's OUR game. Rugby's
our game..." The rest of the doco confirms what many people suspect:
i.e., that New Zealand fans who say things like that actually know
very little about the game.
repeat of the infamous "documentary" On Tour with the All Black Army,
about the "supporters" on the 1999 World Cup tour led by Buck
Shelford. The doco starts off with three overweight, beer-sodden
young Kiwi expat gits, one of whom slurs: "It's OUR game. Rugby's
our game..." The rest of the doco confirms what many people suspect:
i.e., that New Zealand fans who say things like that actually know
very little about the game.
And - oh my God!!!! - who's this? A shaved skull, with small peering
eyes in it, mouths solemnly to the interviewer: "It's what we ARE.
It's what we all are, and it's something we all know a lot about. "
eyes in it, mouths solemnly to the interviewer: "It's what we ARE.
It's what we all are, and it's something we all know a lot about. "
Before the semi-final, not one of the dopes on camera even acknowledges that France has to return to form some time.Their spurious "confidence" is based on a level of blithering ignorance that almost defies belief. Do these people know the All Blacks are about to play FRANCE? You'd think that "we" had been about to play freaking Namibia!!! After the final, mass stupidity on a scale not seen in London since the Diana "grief" exhibitionism two years earlier - hordes of drunken, one-eyed, pitifully bewildered cretins in All Black scarves, caps and sundry other "supporters" gear wandering the streets of Twickenham, screaming ignorantly about "that fella John Hart".
The morning after, at the Buck Shelford tour group's hotel, an old
fool called Jack raves at the camera: "Lack of good coaching...
moan... grumble..." Buck Shelford (off camera) offers a rather crude
but accurate critique of the fellow's conribution to the debate:
"What a load of SHIT, Jack!"
fool called Jack raves at the camera: "Lack of good coaching...
moan... grumble..." Buck Shelford (off camera) offers a rather crude
but accurate critique of the fellow's conribution to the debate:
"What a load of SHIT, Jack!"
In the late evening, I settle down with the lovely Serena to watch
the New Zealand-Wales match. I am feeling depressed and ineffably sad
about the decline of Welsh football. I am angry that they are so
defeatist now, when it comes to playing the All Blacks, that they will
not even play their top team. It is an insult to the traditions and
honour of Welsh football, I think.....
the New Zealand-Wales match. I am feeling depressed and ineffably sad
about the decline of Welsh football. I am angry that they are so
defeatist now, when it comes to playing the All Blacks, that they will
not even play their top team. It is an insult to the traditions and
honour of Welsh football, I think.....
The rest, of course, is history. Serena puts it nicely: "Welcome
back, Wales!"
back, Wales!"
Monday 3/11/03
Radio Sport. 7:15 am: The idiotic and ignorant breakfast host Martin
Devlin raves to Willie Lose: "No other team in the WORLD could have
scored that first try that Rokocoko got!" Willie diplomatically but
firmly corrects him: "Well, France could. France has the power and
the skill to score tries like that."
Radio Sport. 7:15 am: The idiotic and ignorant breakfast host Martin
Devlin raves to Willie Lose: "No other team in the WORLD could have
scored that first try that Rokocoko got!" Willie diplomatically but
firmly corrects him: "Well, France could. France has the power and
the skill to score tries like that."
7:40 "Veitchy" informs us that, as Wales led the All Blacks deep into
last night's match, he felt "like we ALL did" in 1999 after the French
game - wondering, he tells us, "What the heck happened?" Note the
galling and utterly unjustified presumption that "we all" are football
ignorami like him.
last night's match, he felt "like we ALL did" in 1999 after the French
game - wondering, he tells us, "What the heck happened?" Note the
galling and utterly unjustified presumption that "we all" are football
ignorami like him.
MEMO TONY VEITCH: Most New Zealanders know something about rugby
football. Before the 1999 World Cup semi-final match, most of us did
NOT moronically assume a victory over France, which is the world's
most talent-rich rugby nation. Only a few benighted chumps, such as
yourself and Martin Devlin and Rick Boyd, were stoo-pid enough to
believe the cocksure predictions of victory by a small number of rugby
"journalists". Please cease and desist from using the phrase "we ALL"
when talking about football. You do not speak for all, or even for
most fans, Mr Veitch - you speak for yourself and a few other gentle
souls, who Mr Peter Thorburn describes as "flat earthers".
football. Before the 1999 World Cup semi-final match, most of us did
NOT moronically assume a victory over France, which is the world's
most talent-rich rugby nation. Only a few benighted chumps, such as
yourself and Martin Devlin and Rick Boyd, were stoo-pid enough to
believe the cocksure predictions of victory by a small number of rugby
"journalists". Please cease and desist from using the phrase "we ALL"
when talking about football. You do not speak for all, or even for
most fans, Mr Veitch - you speak for yourself and a few other gentle
souls, who Mr Peter Thorburn describes as "flat earthers".
In the evening, "Deaks" has on the legendary fullback JOE KARAM, who
has some most uncomplimentary things to say about All Black captain
REUBEN THORNE. Basically, Karam says, Thorne does nothing during a
game....
has some most uncomplimentary things to say about All Black captain
REUBEN THORNE. Basically, Karam says, Thorne does nothing during a
game....
At 7:55, a regular caller named JIM tells Deaker that the All Blacks
were guilty of "arrogance and ignorance - they showed no respect for
Wales." He seems most upset that the All Blacks (gasp!) RAN THE BALL
and (oh, no - surely not!) threw the ball around in the first three
minutes. This shocking playing of exciting football by the All Blacks
is, apparently, nothing more than "arrogance and ignorance".
were guilty of "arrogance and ignorance - they showed no respect for
Wales." He seems most upset that the All Blacks (gasp!) RAN THE BALL
and (oh, no - surely not!) threw the ball around in the first three
minutes. This shocking playing of exciting football by the All Blacks
is, apparently, nothing more than "arrogance and ignorance".
Deaker of course agrees....
..............................
Read Volume 1 of this World Cup Diary by clicking HERE....
http://groups.google.co.nz/
http://groups.google.co.nz/
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