Encounter
SCENE: A seedy bar in downtown Auckland. Around a small, mean little round table, every inch of its surface replete with handles of beer and plates of nacho cheese, are squeezed a group of battle-hardened Kiwiblog stalwarts:EAD_TWO, Brito,Diffe
EAD_TWO:… Yeah, I usually use protection, but then I thought: Hey, when am I going to be back in Haiti?
….A stunned silence falls on the group…
Brito: What?!?
DifferentPerspective: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Brito: Ha ha ha ha ha!
dime: Ha ha ha ha ha! Oh God I need to vomit.
EAD_TWO: Anyway, I reckon—-
He stops talking, as he and the rest of the KBers suspiciously eye a young man who has just strode into the bar, brandishing a piece of paper. The stranger clears his throat….
Morrissey: Ahem. I have something to say.
EAD-TWO: Who the fuck is this self-important prick?
BRITO: Let’s hear him out. Okay, what is it mate?
Morrissey: [brandishing the piece of paper, which the KBers can see is a printout of a recent post by starboard] I see a lot of half-witted, hair-raising stuff on this site, but I think this fellow’s is the crudest, most offensive, and least intelligent comment of the year so far.
…The KBers all shrug their shoulders, except for dime, whose face is taking on an expression that could split a rock…
starboard: [defiantly] Why thank you..thank you very much. I haven’t STARTED yet.
Morrissey: Idiot. The only thing worse than your ignorant post was seeing a couple of halfwits endorsing it with their own racist comments, and ten KKK supporters upticking it.
EAD_TWO: Make that eleven – I’ve just added an uptick to Starboard’s tally.
Morrissey: That syphilis you picked up in Haiti seems to be affecting your judgment, buddy.
EAD_TWO: [spluttering with indignation] W-w-w-wh-wh-wh-a-
Brito: Who the fuck ARE you, stranger?
starboard: I know who it is! It’s that numbnuts motherfucker Morrissey fucking BREEN!
EAD_TWO: W-W-WHAAAAAT??!!!
Brito: I don’t be-lieeeeeve it. How can he have the NERVE to come into OUR pub?
DifferentPerspective: It’s all starting to make sense now…
There is a crash as one of the KBers keels over and crashes, sending glass and plates of nacho cheese all over the floor. He crawls to his feet, with a homicidal glint in his eye….
dime: hold my beer…
dime staggers over to Morrissey, who kicks him in the balls. dime crumples in a drunken, pathetic heap. Breen turns and leaves the bar as the next record comes on to the jukebox: “I’m a Loser” by the Beatles
https://www.kiwiblog.co.nz/
Nostradamus
Morrissey:
Have you given Starboard permission to copy-and-paste that response to each and every one of your comments on Kiwiblog? (Just asking for a friend…)starboard: I know who it is! It’s that numbnuts motherfucker Morrissey fucking BREEN!
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