Sunday, 27 January 2019

Daytime TV Review. Three Wise Men discuss “Relationship Woes” (June 8, 2013)

  1. 8 June 2013 at 3:30 pm
    Daytime TV Review
    Three Wise Men discuss “Relationship Woes”
    Hands up all those who cannot abide Willie Jackson!
    Okay, okay, but first I need to tell you something about a program he featured on the other day….
    Good Morning, TV1, 9:10 a.m., Tuesday 4 June 2013
    Relationship Woes, a Men’s Panel discussion featuring Wallace Chapman, Miles Davis and Willie Jackson
    Trashy television has its charms. Take TV1’s ailing Good Morning program, for instance. Last year, host Jeanette Thomas got hypnotized on air, performed the haka, conducted an imaginary orchestra with a raw chicken, tried to seduce Tom Cruise and had a go at pole dancing. And all of that happened in just one morning’s episode. Over the years, one of the perverse highlights, or lowlights, for this writer, i.e. moi, was watching the perplexed, slightly hostile look on the dial of macho man Brendon Pongia as Steve Graygave his movie reviews.
    Despite all this top quality entertainment, however, Good Morning has been cursed with low ratings, and as a result it has been cut back this year from three hours to just one—from 9 to 10 o’clock.
    Today the coiffured blond host, whose name I could not ascertain even after extensive hunting, introduced a semi-serious panel discussion, about Relationship Woes. The three “talents” chosen for the task were lovable and impish professional boy-man Wallace Chapman, professional cheeky cockney chappy Miles Davis, and professional cheeky Maori fulla Willie Jackson.
    Here are the highlights…..
    MILES DAVIS: You have to admit that ninety-nine per cent of the time the woman is the one in the right.
    WALLACE CHAPMAN: Yeah, but you don’t want to be a male doormat.
    MILES DAVIS: [accentuating the East End wide-boy accent] I’m no’ a doormat.
    ………
    WILLIE JACKSON: Ya see, the problem with you Wallace is, it’s all academic, it’s all P.C. with you. You can’t solve relationships with an academic approach and it’s SHOCKING really.
    WALLACE CHAPMAN: [diffidently and sensitively] I-I-I-I…
    MILES DAVIS: Talk to us, Wozza!
    HOST: We’re going to continue our debate on relationships and the blame game with THESE GUYS, after THIS.
    ……….
    Shark Steam Mop advert….
    WOMAN: What?!!??!? Nine ninety-nine?!!!!??!?? You’ve gone MAD!!!!
    MAN: I’ve gone C-R-R-RAAAZY!
    ……….
    BLOND HOST: Well, we’re back with the Men’s Panel discussing Relationship Woes. Wallace, you were talking about your kayaking session.
    Wallace Chapman embarks on a long and terribly dull story about going kayaking with his family. Nothing at all seems to have happened, but apparently it was very important for strengthening his family relationships. At least that’s what he reckons. After he finishes talking, there is a long awkward silence….
    HOST: That’s it?
    WILLIE JACKSON: Terrible story.
    MILES DAVIS: Ha ha ha ha ha!
    …….
    Later on, Miles Davis talks about how it is possible to argue constructively with one’s wife or partner. This attempt at sensitivity is quickly scotched by Willie Jackson, who has no patience for such displays of SNAGgery….
    WILLIE JACKSON: It just gets WORSE!!!! Next thing you’re into a PUNCH-UP!!!!!
    Jackson’s main gig these days is the Radio Live program he hosts with the equally eruditeJohn Tamihere. Several years ago, Willie and JT had dwarf-boxing impesario Dean Lonergan on to talk sensitively and learnedly on the subject of marital infidelity. Both Deano and JT made it clear that there was no excuse for violence against any woman, even if one came home one day midway through the afternoon to find her in bed with, say, half the ACT caucus. Willie Jackson, though, was having none of that P.C. nonsense. “If I found out that my missus was fooling around on me,” he said, with quiet sincerity, “I’d put a knife through her heart.”
    This shocked even the crass and offensive Lonergan, who felt moved to remonstrate: “I think that’s going a bit far, mate.”
    Willie didn’t back down an inch, however. “Nah, nah, nah—don’t give me THAT,” he said, without even a hint of his usual playfulness. “I would. I would put a knife through her heart. I WOULD.”
    JT snorted sardonically and laughed, “You’re a mongrel, Willie, a mongrel.”
    All right, you can put your hands down now.
    • ghostrider88816.1
      8 June 2013 at 4:52 pm
      interestingly, I have an aquaintence (aquainted with his whanau as well) and he did take a tomahawk to the man, in bed with his wife; 4 years later, upon release, no wife. sigh, was getting muscle fatigue keeping my arm up.
      • Morrissey16.1.1
        8 June 2013 at 7:25 pm
        Blinking hell, ghostrider! Can you spin that out into a dramatic reconstruction for us? It sounds like a riveting story.
        • ghostrider88816.1.1.1
          8 June 2013 at 9:12 pm
          sigh, I do have a volume or three of actual / factual stories to tell, I know, as many of us do; fortunately, or other wise, many of them are memorable, yet Robert Plant (another Rock god) advised to keep on rolling and resist writing a book…and I DO NOT YET OWN A WORKING COMPUTER OF MY OWN…yet when it does happen, it could be a lot worse than a hybrid of The Bone People and Tough Guys Don’t Dance with a little Child In Time wound in. 😉 yeeha!
  4. Morrissey19
    8 June 2013 at 9:21 pm
    LIARS OF OUR TIME
    No. 18: Ant Strachan
    “It’s all about defence! Y’ know, the All Blacks won the World Cup in 2011 because of their outstanding defence!”
    —Ant Strachan, Radio Sport, 75 minutes into the New Zealand-France friendly, Saturday 8 June 2013
    See also….
    No. 17: Stephen Franks: “Peter has been such a level-headed, safe pair of hands.
    No. 16: Phil Kafcaloudes: “Tony Abbott…hasn’t made any mistakes over the past eighteen months”
    No. 15: Donald Rumsfeld: “I did not lie… Colin Powell did not lie.”
    No. 14: Colin Powell: “a post-9/11 nexus between Iraq and terrorist organizations…connections are now emerging…”
    No.13: Barack Obama: “Simply put, these strikes have saved lives.”

    No. 12: U.K. Ministry of Defence: “Protecting the Afghan civilian population is one of ISAF and the UK’s top priorities.”
    No. 11: Brendan O’Connor: “Australia’s approach to refugees is compassionate and generous.”
    No. 10: Boris Johnson: “Londoners have… the best police in the world to look after us and keep us safe.”
    No. 9: NewstalkZB PR dept: “News you NEED! Fast, fair, accurate!”
    No. 8: Simon Bridges: “I don’t mean to duck the question”
    No. 7: Nigel Morrison: “Quite frankly, they’ve been VERY tough.”
    
http://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-15052013/#comment-633295
    
No. 6: NZ Herald PR dept: “Congratulations—you’re reading New Zealand’s best newspaper.”

    
No. 5: Rawdon Christie: “…a FORMIDABLE replacement, it seems, is Claudette Hauiti.”
http://thestandard.org.nz/open-mike-13052013/#comment-632594

    No. 4: Willie and J.T.: “The X-Factor. Nah, nah, there’s some GREAT talent there!”

    No. 3: John Key: “Yeah we hold MPs to a higher standard.”
    
No. 2: Colin Craig: “Oh, I have a GREAT sense of humour.”
    
No. 1: Barack Obama: “Margaret Thatcher was one of the great champions of freedom and liberty.”
  5. weka20
    9 June 2013 at 1:14 am
    I just hope that tomorrow (Sun) someone puts up an interesting enough post or two that we can stop talking about fluoridation and conspiracy theories :-/
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