NewstalkZB is shallow, trivial, and nasty radio.
But is it any worse than Jim Mora’s light chat show?
The Panel preshow, RNZ National, Tuesday 5 September 2017
Jim Mora, Peter Fa’afiu, Victoria Stewart, Megan Whelan
http://www.radionz.co.nz/national/programmes/thepanel/audio/201857382/the-panel-pre-show-for-5-september-2017
But is it any worse than Jim Mora’s light chat show?
The Panel preshow, RNZ National, Tuesday 5 September 2017
Jim Mora, Peter Fa’afiu, Victoria Stewart, Megan Whelan
http://www.radionz.co.nz/national/programmes/thepanel/audio/201857382/the-panel-pre-show-for-5-september-2017
This drivel goes for six and a half minutes. Here’s a transcript of the first 4 minutes and 23 seconds….
MORA: Ah, Megan Whelan, Story of the Day!
MEGAN WHELAN: So Google has released, ahhmmm, its most searched “How To” questions globally, ahhh, which gives us an insight into the things that people struggle with day to day. So the most searched How-To question globally—does anyone want to take a guess?
MORA: Oh look. Go on, have a go.
MEGAN WHELAN: So Google has released, ahhmmm, its most searched “How To” questions globally, ahhh, which gives us an insight into the things that people struggle with day to day. So the most searched How-To question globally—does anyone want to take a guess?
MORA: Oh look. Go on, have a go.
Silence….
MEGAN WHELAN: Anyone?
PETER FA’AFIU: No you’re good.
MORA: No, all right—
VICTORIA STEWART: No, no.
MORA: It is hard, it’s hard, it’s hard, actually.
MEGAN WHELAN: I thought it would have been something like “How to cook rice”, or something like that.
MORA: Oh yeah.
VICTORIA STEWART: Ohh yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: Um, that is sort of second. “How to tie a tie”—-
MORA: [with mock dismissiveness] No-o!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ahhhhh…
MEGAN WHELAN: Which I find fascinating! Because not all of the population has to do it, but apparently it’s a thing that those people who do, frequently forget.
MORA: [affecting a tone of incredulity] “How to tie a tie” is number ONE!?!?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to tie a tie” is number one! It’s the most searched “How To” question in the world. Ah, “How to kiss” is in second place.
MORA: Ahhh!
MEGAN WHELAN: Which makes me worry a little bit about the future of humanity.
MORA: Ha!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: As does number three, which is “How to get pregnant”.
MORA: Yes!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ooh goodness.
PETER FA’AFIU: [snickering] Kkk-k-k-k!
MEGAN WHELAN: Number four: “How to lose weight.”
MORA: Yeah.PETER FA’AFIU: Oh yeah.
MORA: I would’ve thought that’d be RIGHT up the top.
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to draw”.
MORA: “How to DRAAWW”?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to make money.”
VICTORIA STEWART: Ha ha.
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha. And then sort of “How to cook rice”—“how to make pancakes”.
MORA: [very softly, in a tone of bemused wonderment] Pancakes.
VICTORIA STEWART: “How to write a cover letter” AND “How to cook French toast.” Ahhhmmm….
MORA: What?!?!?
VICTORIA STEWART: Followed by “How to lose belly fat”. Ah, so, ho, we’re very worried about losing weight but also having good breakfasts!
MORA: What a STRANGE list!
MEGAN WHELAN: Isn’t that a strange list!
PETER FA’AFIU: Just trying to figure out how many of those I’ve, uh, ha ha ha ha!
MORA: Okay, you can tie a tie.
PETER FA’AFIU: Pancakes, yeah. Tie….
MORA: Pancakes? You know how to make money?
PETER FA’AFIU: Yeah.
MORA: Do you know how to write a cover letter?
PETER FA’AFIU: Yes.
MORA: Ahh, do you know how to lose fat around your tummy?
PETER FA’AFIU: No.
MORA: Okay. I won’t ask you the REST!
PETER FA’AFIU: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I know how to kiss. I know how to kiss.
MEGAN WHELAN: So Simon Rogers, Google’s data editor, one of the things he mentioned is that these “How To” searches have increased a hundred and forty per cent—so more than doubled—since two thousand and FOUR, and MUCH of that interest is directed at how to sort of FIX things, so oftentimes it’s how to fix a lightbulb or replace your window or fix your washing-machine or even the toilet. So I had a look at Google Trends, ahhh, which is how you can search some of this stuff yourself, for New Zealand for the past twelve months—
MORA: Aah!
MEGAN WHELAN: So related searches, our ones, so this is not the exact data that THAT list is, the global list is, ‘cos it’s not broken down in the same way, but searching “How To” and getting related searches for that for New Zealand, we searched “How to draw”, “How to screenshot”—
MORA: Oh yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: And someone has texted in to say that when THEY searched it, they got the auto complete, so often when you google something “how to” it will fill in the sentence for you? They got “How to make SLIME”, which is number THREE in New Zealand. We also searched “How to make slime without borax”, which seems a VERY specific thing—-
PETER FA’AFIU: A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MORA: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to proNOUNCE” is number four—-
MORA: “How to pronounce”?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to pronounce”. So, presumably, there is another word following that one. “How to lose weight”, “How to make money”, “How to tie a tie”, then that’s the slime without borax. How to-o-o-o-o-o, oh, er, break a —I can’t read my own HANDWRITING!—I think it was something like “break an iPhone”? Ummmmmm—-
VICTORIA STEWART: Easily—-
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha ha ha!
VICTORIA STEWART:—is the way I think of that. Drop it!
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha. And then, LASTLY, in our New Zealand related searches taught you “How to delete Instagram accounts”. I’m a little bit worried what New Zealanders have been doing on their Instagram accounts that they feel the need to delete them!
PETER FA’AFIU: Hyunhh, hyunnhh.
MORA: Yeah, exactly.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeahhhh!
MORA: The slime thing will be children, ‘cos our twins make slime.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yes!
PETER FA’AFIU: Same. For me.
MEGAN WHELAN: Has that been quite a thing in the last twelve months?
MORA: Yeah it has recently. Yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: Right.
MORA: So THAT’ll be a current thing, the slime thing. I didn’t know, they don’t know about the borax.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeahhh.
MORA: So, we search for the most trivial things as well, don’t we.
VICTORIA STEWART: Yes. I think a lot of this is about the sentence construction? So you might find that people searching for recipes aren’t searching—so for me, I wouldn’t google “How to cook pancakes”, I would google “Pancake recipe”—
PETER FA’AFIU: Mmmm.
VICTORIA STEWART: “EASY pancake recipes”. Ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeah. Or something like that. Or a specific pancake recipe, which is my favorite pancake recipe, but, errr, so, but I might search “How to tie a tie”, ‘cos that sentence makes more sense than “pancake recipe.” Yeah.
MORA: Okay, but, there’s um, very little of, uh, “How can I be nicer?” or “What is the meaning of life?” or those [with mock sententiousness] profound questions….
MEGAN WHELAN: “How can I be nicer?” Okaaayyy….
PETER FA’AFIU: No you’re good.
MORA: No, all right—
VICTORIA STEWART: No, no.
MORA: It is hard, it’s hard, it’s hard, actually.
MEGAN WHELAN: I thought it would have been something like “How to cook rice”, or something like that.
MORA: Oh yeah.
VICTORIA STEWART: Ohh yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: Um, that is sort of second. “How to tie a tie”—-
MORA: [with mock dismissiveness] No-o!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ahhhhh…
MEGAN WHELAN: Which I find fascinating! Because not all of the population has to do it, but apparently it’s a thing that those people who do, frequently forget.
MORA: [affecting a tone of incredulity] “How to tie a tie” is number ONE!?!?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to tie a tie” is number one! It’s the most searched “How To” question in the world. Ah, “How to kiss” is in second place.
MORA: Ahhh!
MEGAN WHELAN: Which makes me worry a little bit about the future of humanity.
MORA: Ha!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: As does number three, which is “How to get pregnant”.
MORA: Yes!
VICTORIA STEWART: Ooh goodness.
PETER FA’AFIU: [snickering] Kkk-k-k-k!
MEGAN WHELAN: Number four: “How to lose weight.”
MORA: Yeah.PETER FA’AFIU: Oh yeah.
MORA: I would’ve thought that’d be RIGHT up the top.
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to draw”.
MORA: “How to DRAAWW”?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to make money.”
VICTORIA STEWART: Ha ha.
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha. And then sort of “How to cook rice”—“how to make pancakes”.
MORA: [very softly, in a tone of bemused wonderment] Pancakes.
VICTORIA STEWART: “How to write a cover letter” AND “How to cook French toast.” Ahhhmmm….
MORA: What?!?!?
VICTORIA STEWART: Followed by “How to lose belly fat”. Ah, so, ho, we’re very worried about losing weight but also having good breakfasts!
MORA: What a STRANGE list!
MEGAN WHELAN: Isn’t that a strange list!
PETER FA’AFIU: Just trying to figure out how many of those I’ve, uh, ha ha ha ha!
MORA: Okay, you can tie a tie.
PETER FA’AFIU: Pancakes, yeah. Tie….
MORA: Pancakes? You know how to make money?
PETER FA’AFIU: Yeah.
MORA: Do you know how to write a cover letter?
PETER FA’AFIU: Yes.
MORA: Ahh, do you know how to lose fat around your tummy?
PETER FA’AFIU: No.
MORA: Okay. I won’t ask you the REST!
PETER FA’AFIU: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I know how to kiss. I know how to kiss.
MEGAN WHELAN: So Simon Rogers, Google’s data editor, one of the things he mentioned is that these “How To” searches have increased a hundred and forty per cent—so more than doubled—since two thousand and FOUR, and MUCH of that interest is directed at how to sort of FIX things, so oftentimes it’s how to fix a lightbulb or replace your window or fix your washing-machine or even the toilet. So I had a look at Google Trends, ahhh, which is how you can search some of this stuff yourself, for New Zealand for the past twelve months—
MORA: Aah!
MEGAN WHELAN: So related searches, our ones, so this is not the exact data that THAT list is, the global list is, ‘cos it’s not broken down in the same way, but searching “How To” and getting related searches for that for New Zealand, we searched “How to draw”, “How to screenshot”—
MORA: Oh yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: And someone has texted in to say that when THEY searched it, they got the auto complete, so often when you google something “how to” it will fill in the sentence for you? They got “How to make SLIME”, which is number THREE in New Zealand. We also searched “How to make slime without borax”, which seems a VERY specific thing—-
PETER FA’AFIU: A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MORA: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to proNOUNCE” is number four—-
MORA: “How to pronounce”?
MEGAN WHELAN: “How to pronounce”. So, presumably, there is another word following that one. “How to lose weight”, “How to make money”, “How to tie a tie”, then that’s the slime without borax. How to-o-o-o-o-o, oh, er, break a —I can’t read my own HANDWRITING!—I think it was something like “break an iPhone”? Ummmmmm—-
VICTORIA STEWART: Easily—-
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha ha ha!
VICTORIA STEWART:—is the way I think of that. Drop it!
MEGAN WHELAN: Ha ha. And then, LASTLY, in our New Zealand related searches taught you “How to delete Instagram accounts”. I’m a little bit worried what New Zealanders have been doing on their Instagram accounts that they feel the need to delete them!
PETER FA’AFIU: Hyunhh, hyunnhh.
MORA: Yeah, exactly.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeahhhh!
MORA: The slime thing will be children, ‘cos our twins make slime.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yes!
PETER FA’AFIU: Same. For me.
MEGAN WHELAN: Has that been quite a thing in the last twelve months?
MORA: Yeah it has recently. Yeah.
MEGAN WHELAN: Right.
MORA: So THAT’ll be a current thing, the slime thing. I didn’t know, they don’t know about the borax.
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeahhh.
MORA: So, we search for the most trivial things as well, don’t we.
VICTORIA STEWART: Yes. I think a lot of this is about the sentence construction? So you might find that people searching for recipes aren’t searching—so for me, I wouldn’t google “How to cook pancakes”, I would google “Pancake recipe”—
PETER FA’AFIU: Mmmm.
VICTORIA STEWART: “EASY pancake recipes”. Ha ha!
MEGAN WHELAN: Yeah. Or something like that. Or a specific pancake recipe, which is my favorite pancake recipe, but, errr, so, but I might search “How to tie a tie”, ‘cos that sentence makes more sense than “pancake recipe.” Yeah.
MORA: Okay, but, there’s um, very little of, uh, “How can I be nicer?” or “What is the meaning of life?” or those [with mock sententiousness] profound questions….
MEGAN WHELAN: “How can I be nicer?” Okaaayyy….
At that point, I reached the point of maximum disgust, and could take no more of this drivel. The inanity, the determined triviality of this chatter, the complete and utter contempt for the listeners are bad enough, but what really angered me was that last statement by Jim Mora. His suggestion that he cares about “profound questions” is disproven by the subject matter and the tenor of the discussions on his show. And as for “How can I be nicer?”—well, let’s have a look at a few instances of how “nice” Jim Mora is….