Another hapless performance from Graham Bell (June 10, 2014)

10 June 2014 at 5:52 pm

Time to retire this graceless goon, this hectoring halfwit, this mindless moron. Another hapless performance from Graham Bell

The Panel, Radio NZ National, Tuesday 10 June 2014
Jim Mora, Graham Bell, Ali Jones

After the four o’clock news, it’s time to have a chat with the guests. Host Jim Mora always tries to talk about something relevant to the particular guest. With the cantankerous old copGraham Bell, it’s the vexed question of arming the police….

JIM MORA: I was reading the American papers today, and we think WE’ve got problems, but over there I see the police are talking about arming themselves with grenade-launchers! Ha ha ha ha ha!

GRAHAM BELL: Haw, haw, haw, haw! Well, I suppose they have crack dens there that they have to knock over….

When Mora speaks to the indefatigable spokesperson for Christchurch’s earthquake victims, Ali Jones, there is only one possible subject: how the people of Christchurch are coping with insurance companies’ obstructiveness and the refusal of the Key government to do anything about it. It’s a really serious problem, and it demands serious and focused discussion. Unwisely, however, Bell decides that it’s time to say something sarcastic…..

GRAHAM BELL: So is David Cundliffe going to gallop to your rescue?

Perhaps he divined some of the irritation felt by Ali Jones, because the next words he spoke had none of the jocular tone of his dig at the Labour Party….

GRAHAM BELL: [uncomfortable, suddenly forced to assume an air of gravitas] Because, and believe me I have a lot of experience of this, lawyers have no interest in resolving an issue, they only want to prolong it as long as possible so they can make money off it.

Jones was having none of that nonsense. She launched into a stinging critique of the Insurance Council and the National-led government—and, by implication, of fools like Graham Bell who parrot their poisonous talking points…

ALI JONES: I totally reject what the Insurance Council and Gerry Brownlee have said about this.

Jones was really angry, and Bell showed a rare lick of common sense when he decided to lapse into silence. It was his most humiliating moment on this show since Gordon Campbell silenced him a few years ago after Bell had ignorantly attacked the then leader of the Greens, Jeanette Fitzsimons.

Bell was back to his curmudgeonly self a little later, during the Soapbox segment. Over the years, his Soapbox contributions have consisted almost entirely of gripes about the minor irritations in his life, like the food quality in tearooms, or the standard of customer service at Telecom, or—my personal favorite—this one from three years ago: “There’s a number of things that RANKLE me and FRUSTRATE me….Some time, just once in a blue moon, I’d like to get TWO biscuits with my cup of coffee, not just one biscuit!”

Today the tradition continued….

MORA: Graham Bell, what’s been on your mind please?
GRAHAM BELL: Well, I tried to get some tickets this morning for the Eagles concert next year in Auckland. What a BLOODY FIASCO!
MORA: [perhaps misreading just how serious Bell is] Ha ha ha ha ha!
GRAHAM BELL: [raving] I’ve MISSED OUT! I’ve been waiting for them to come for twenty years and I’ve missed out.
MORA: Who’s your favorite Eagle?
GRAHAM BELL: Joe Walsh. Arrrrrgghhh! I sat there for TWO HOURS, logging in and out of their site.
MORA: [insensitively] Ha ha ha ha ha!
GRAHAM BELL: It drove me NUTS! How do these scalpers get the tickets though?

More snarling and grumbling for several minutes….

POINT TO PONDER….
According to Radio NZ National’s frequent station promos, The Panel features “leading opinion makers”, who discuss the news and “help to make sense of it all”.

• vto42.1

  10 June 2014 at 6:32 pm

  Totally agree about Bell. The clanger I recall from him was when the Greens announced a policy about putting $200million (I think) into cycleways and cycling improvements around the country….

  … of course something like this Bell would have had absolutely no idea about and of course he subsequently let his lack of nous on the subject pour forth ….
  …blah blah he dribbled … “what an absolute waste of money … blah blah … I can’t believe the Greens keep coming up with these barmy ideas … waffle rant”

  Then of course the cycling expert came on and cleaning dispatched the fool by outlining how the return for $1 spent on cycling improvements is $7 (think health, energy, etc etc) and the return for $1 spent on “roads of notional significance” is 60cents….

  Bell is a dork with nothing useful to say. I agree he is a waste of time.
• Paul42.2

  10 June 2014 at 7:35 pm

  Have missed your biting and witty critique or Mora’s dreadful show.
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